When you hear those words you immediately thinking about all of the things you can’t do, as opposed to what you can do. You begin to change how you see things, how you hear things, you begin to react to words, instead of what you know to be true.
Since April, I’ve been trying to maintain a sense of normalcy-trying to keep up with my daily routine (my family], work and SDTE). In May, my doctor uttered those dreadful words to me after a series of doctors’ visits. Well, he didn’t say it, but he wrote it on my discharge papers (which I completely overlooked) OR did I? I didn’t want to hear any of that foolishness, I wanted him to give me a clean bill of health and tell me that I could resume all normal activities, not restrict me. For many reasons, I just couldn’t get it in my head. I refused to believe any of it. I guess you could say, my will to keep going was just that strong right?
For several weeks, I was unable to sit, stand or walk (My event in April, if you only knew the amount of pain I was actually in…but I simply refused to “cancel” what I had already set out to do, against doctor’s orders and my husbands, I did what Devita wanted to do). Normal tasks, became unbearable. To walk to the bathroom, which is not even a few steps away from our bedroom, was daunting. I would grimace in pain, just to turn over in bed. The only way I could turn over, was if I held onto my husband to do so. To stand/sit was even worse. I have a high tolerance for pain, so the mere fact that I felt any of it, was a quick sign of the amount of pain/suffering I endured.
I digress, this story isn’t intended to tell you the downfall, but rather the lesson in all of it.
At the onset of all this, I wasn’t focused on the pain too much-rather than the “why”. I was anticipating a promotion at work, SDTE was moving in all kinds of awesome directions (Still is), marriage was and IS good, kids are kids, but they’re good kids. So why now? Imagine the look on my face when God chuckled and said Devita, why not now? Over the next few weeks, God would REVEAL all to me, reminding me that in the past, when HE needed to sit me down-I would do it for a few days, but would go right back to doing what I thought I wanted to do, instead of what I needed to do. Which was try to work my 8+hours as if nothing were wrong. And guess what, they treated me as if nothing were wrong. Why? Its what I taught them to do.
In November of last year, God told me that 2016 would be the year of sustained Greatness. It would be the year of increase on many levels. He also told me that this would be my last year working for anyone other than HIM. Even gave me a time frame-but not the PLAN. Why? I needed to trust the process!
Just like clock-work, it all began to come to a head. The promotion that was promised, was taken away OR was it? It was never really mine to begin with. God didn’t promise me that, so why did I take literally, what anyone else told me? I’ll tell you, because I found security in the very thing, that made me insecure. Re-read if you don’t understand.’
I struggled with conviction, because I KNEW I was wrong for waiting for something that was never mine to begin with.
I began letting go of what I couldn’t control and began focusing on what I could. Step by Step, God would tell me what I needed to do. I was to focus on Devita-The very break that I kept asking for, HE brought to fruition (again, HE never revealed HIS plan) I had to trust the process!
I remember talking to my sister and telling her the news of what my doctor said, her response (Well, Good-this is what it will take for you to focus on what you are supposed to focus on. So I’m not mad that you can’t go to work. My other sister who was with me the day of my diagnosis, when she pointed out what the note said, immediately began to Praise God. Now clearly, I thought these two had lost their minds. For me, as mentioned I was not entertaining any of that foolishness of being Totally Incapacitated.
My husband (my BEST) who said-my concern isn’t about your job and what they will do-it’s all about you and your health. I’m not married to them and you’re not either.
I fought this thing HARD-I would pray and meditate daily (not during times of suffering this is done daily) trying to understand what I needed to do, as if HE didn’t tell me already. When I began to receive and accept what HE needed me to understand, it all made sense.
Physically, Yes-I was completely incapacitated. But spiritually, mentally/emotionally, I was as strong as ever. My MIND, WILL and DESIRE intact. HE began working on me in those areas-creating new game plans for all business ventures that have been presented during this time-that will actually gain me more exposure for ALL OF my brands. HIS will for me and not my own. My dreams weren’t as big as HIS-How he saw me isn’t how I saw myself or I did, but was flooded with the things that were in the way. Suddenly, the diagnosis didn’t seem so foolish. It seemed to be ordained. The irony, the pain that I endured felt as if I were in labor EVERYDAY without relief. I was laboring, ready to receive my deliverance. It needed to happen so that this NEW thing HE was doing, could take place. Anything that we go through, will only grow us and make way for the new things. The old has to cease/die before the new can exist. Total forgiveness not just for others, but for myself. Forgiveness for my fighting against, instead of going with the process.
It's amazing how so many doors have been opened now, then before. I don’t want for anything. ALL of my needs have been provided for my family and I, under grace and in a perfect way. I thank God for my praying husband, mother, sisters, and brothers.
My ministry has been resurrected-which has completely filled me up with total gladness. My desire to be this transparent, has been restored. This storm. Well, it has definitely taught me to open up when the world wants you to shut up. It has/is continuing to bless me greatly and I pray it has the same effect on you too.
Your victory doesn’t begin when you’ve come out of the storm, it begins when you understand your storm. I celebrate daily, knowing that it’s all necessary. Sure, I have had my days when I was in a funk, but it’s a day. It’s not supposed to last for days, weeks, months even years. Healing can only take place when you accept the time and space that you’re in. Trust the Process!
The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord. Proverbs 21:31
Thanks be to God, who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ -1Corinthians 15:57
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