​Being a mother to a child that suffers from major depression and social disorder isn’t easy.  Especially one who has attempted suicide. When I’m at work, she sends me messages throughout the day that honestly, it distracts me, places me on edge, because I never know what will come from her. 
To be honest, I enjoy going to a job, that I hate only because I get to breathe little sigh of relief, for a little while.  I keep my phone near me always, and when it rings or vibrates, I hold my breath.  I never know what type of call or message I’ll receive.  When I recognize that it’s her, I close my eyes and my heart skips a beat.  It’s hard. I feel like I’m on the roller coaster with her and the only way I can leave, is if I leave her behind.  I want to get off, but then I feel that I’m abandoning her.  I feel like for her to breathe, I must deprive myself of oxygen. 
 I want to get off the roller coaster.   Am I selfish?  To most, perhaps I am.  But what you don’t know is …. I have other children who need me too.  If I’m spending most of my time with her, the others feel the effects of it. I sometimes barely have enough energy for me…her, let alone the rest of them.  I want to get off the roller coaster.   
 I coast most days. I put on an act just, so I can get through the day. Truth is, by the time I hit my home. I sit in my driveway, for about 5-10 minutes, just to regroup.  I enter my home and immediately, I am faced with having to do my final show of the day….Engaging a child who barely wants to engage, other children who want to do fun stuff and a husband who can immediately sense that his wife wants an escape- so he goes above and beyond to get me anything I need/want just to see me smile, while I’m trying HARD to make our child smile.
  I want to get off the roller coaster. See, for me…. I suffer from anxiety and I work hard to keep that demon at bay.  I read only positive affirmations, I pray, daily, multiple times throughout. I’m successful most of the time… But there are days where I……. I want to escape. I want to pull the covers over my head and simply, escape. 
I want to get off the roller coaster.  But each time, I try…I think about what I’m leaving behind… I want to get off the roller coaster……But each time I try, I can feel a strong tug and I immediately feel myself weakening… I want to get off the roller coaster……But each time I try, I feel like a monster for wanting a break from this harsh reality… I want to get off the roller coaster, but each time I try… I feel cold as if life is literally leaving my body… I want to get off the roller coaster, I ask God why I am faced with this situation. Why am I struggling in this way, what could I possibly be teaching other people if I’m feeling this way about my own child.
 I want to get off the roller coaster, but each time I try… I feel cold as if life is literally leaving my body.  I want to get off the roller coaster…...But if I do... I’ll leave my whole heart behind.  

A man bound by the hands and feet, cannot free himself.   He must be helped by a person that is unbound. The bound cannot help the bound; the rescuer must be liberated. ~Author Unknown
 
If you want to associate this to scripture…..Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
​
  It’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to help.  Though we are not meant to be alone, we are also not meant to be around people who have no desire to be free.  The inability to release is like being bound by the hands and feet….You cannot free yourself.  It WILL require for you to TRUST God and allow HIM to bring who/what you need on this journey.  I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to follow the plan HE has for my life.  To not become distracted when people choose to look at my past instead of my present. The reality is I cannot change my past and to be honest, I wouldn’t anyway.  My story…..The one told by me and not by those who added words to it, will make you a believer…HE did it for me and HE’ll do the same for you… but YOU have to release it all to HIM. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. #Godfirst #Release #NewAdventureSameJourney

God reminded me this morning of my Praise.  4 weeks ago, my husband I were faced with a horrible situation……The end result could’ve been deadly for one of our children, BUT GOD! The way HE stepped in and calmed those raging waters…..The way HE asked of me to go about my days as normal, so that HE could work.  The Strength that I never knew I had…..I found in HIM…..The way HE allowed me to release it ALL unto HIM… The way HE allowed me to RELEASE that control that I thought I had…..HE allowed me to see that HE is in total control…The way HE allowed HIS strong soldier to cry for HELP and sent the APPOINTED people to rally around me to LIFT me up in MY time of despair….The Way HE instructed me to only inform CERTAIN people to re-establish the connection that I had put down, when HE needed ME to PICK IT UP….HE reminded me this morning that WE could’ve been grieving parents right now, either making burial arrangements or feeling the effects of having just laying one of our children to rest. I say that to say, we serve a mighty God!  And if you ever wonder why I’m so “ON Jesus” I have SEVERAL REASONS.  As I mentioned previously, I have a story that if you’ll allow ME to tell it, instead of listening to the people who desire to tarnish my name…..IT WILL make you a BELIEVER of God!   
 
Oh-Don’t inbox me asking what happened…Ask ME WHY I DON’T LOOK LIKE WHAT WE JUST WENT THROUGH! I’ll tell you the full story about that, if YOU are ready! 
 
#Godfirst #EverywhereIGO #ItakeMyJesus #WithME #GloryToGod #HeFoundMEWorthy #NewadventureSAMEJourney # everytime you look up you see me winning

How many of you have friends that you just knew you’d be friends with for forever?  Perhaps, life began to happen(hey. It happens are different times for everyone) and maybe you don’t hear from that friend as often.  You begin to notice that this “friend” is evolving.  They’re moving in way that is unfamiliar to you, yet intriguing  at the same time.   You want to reach out to them, perhaps they want to reach out to you, but it doesn’t happen(on both ends).
 
You begin to feel a away about no longer having that direct line of communication to your once upon a time, always reachable and available friend.   You start making up different scenarios in your mind about said friend. Well, if they really wanted to chat/hang out, they would call.  Or they have xyz going on and now they’re too good to be around me. Right? WRONG!
 
Lets say that this friend has been in process of surrendering his/her life to Christ. See, that doesn’t happen over night to the person whose going through the process.  It’s a gradual thing with them, and before you realize it, they’re already in the thick of things.
 
Learn how to not take it personally, since it has nothing to do with you! 
 
Deciding on whether or not to answer your call, is no easy decision.  It requires prayer, being alone(one on one, with GOD) and understanding this didn’t happen by surprise.  From a personal standpoint, I’ve had great friends in my lifetime, that I may or may not have been ready to receive.   I remember being in my pit and having one good friend who would always make herself available to me, suddenly become unavailable. Was it due to her not liking me? NO-but she was moving in a more positive direction, career wise.  I however; was not.  I was always intertwined with some sort of foolishness-at one point, I actually believed that it was a part of my make-up.  BUT GOD!
 
When that friend was no longer available to me, I actually made her feel bad for wanting more for herself and finding her true identity. I would say things like, oh, well, I guess she wasn’t my friend…WRONG!
 
She was my friend, she was actually showing me what I needed to be doing.  Which was focusing on greatness instead of dwelling in the very things God was removing from my life-that I was so desperately trying to hold on to.
 
Fast forward, we are both doing well-living our lives with our respective families and in our season/lifetime of greatness.  Does it look the same for both households, NO-and it isn’t supposed too. She touches lives in ways that God has designed for her too and I, the same.
 
My walk, journey to Christ-is mine. How that may look to others isn’t my concern.  Nor is hers mine. 
 
Sometimes, when people walk away from us, it isn’t due to anyone beefing or being jealous-it’s often times, because they’re season is up. Now don’t get me wrong, the spirit of envy is upon us and we must be careful when we encounter it. Understand that where God is taking you, your friend won’t understand at the time and keeping them around, will not be beneficial for your respective walks.  Perhaps you’ve been avoiding God, failing to learn your lesson and HE has to pull you away, to aid you with your focus. Its not a punishment.  It’s actually a loving gesture to get you to where you need to be and once you make it, be sure to extend your hand to the next, so they too, can be delivered.
 
It wasn’t until I became older, that I really understood that in order for me to be elevated, I had to let things go(this included people).  I like to equate life to a hot air balloon, the only way to go up, is to rid yourself of unnecessary weight. No matter how enlightening this is, we have to be mature enough to understand that we simply cannot go everywhere together, but we can pray that everyone is able to go.  #NewadventureSAMEjourney was given to me years ago, to articulate my journey with Christ and with life. The Journey is the destination, but the adventures are what tells the story.
 
If you’re being elevated, you cannot hang amongst those who are still pining on the past.(why did he leave me, why won’t he help with our kids, why??? Why?? Why??) you cannot be among those who deprive themselves, then complain later. If you’ve deprived yourself of love, sleep, food, peace of mind, the ability to have fun, whatever IT is-then complain later of what you’re not getting, it’s YOUR fault!  No one else, only you.
 
Be present in this life.  Pray and ask God to help you.  You don’t need a bunch of fancy words to entice God or to please HIM.  Start talking, HE will respond and when it happens, receive what HE has to say. Your life will only get better because of it.
 
 
#Godfirst #NewadventureSAMEJourney #Wisdom #Knowledge #BeBetter #NotBitter
 
 
​

When I tell you God has taken me from comfortable to uncomfortable-It is an understatement!

At 5am, HE woke me up to start my day. I said my prayers, began baking to fill orders, but soon realized I needed to make a store run.

In doing that, I stumbled upon a mess(someone had knocked over a paper towel display) and as I walked by, HE whispered, clean it up. Baffled, I sort of looked at it(the mess) and thought, um, why would I do that? HE immediately spoke and said, I know you didn't make the mess, but I want you to understand the reason behind it. There's a lot of mess going on in this world and if everyone avoided it, how would the issues become resolved? Clean the mess up, you don't need anyone to see you do it, but it will be seen. I cleaned that display up so fast.

So often, when we make a mess, we want someone to see or at least help us clean-there's also times when we selfishly say, well-I didn't make that mess, why am I stuck with it? It doesn't matter who did it, what matters is the resolve! Lend the helping hand to clean "IT" up!

Fast forward. I knew I had a lot to do yesterday. I had orders to fill, a book signing/speaking engagement and my sons scrimmage. I had contemplated not going to my event, or at bare minimum going late and/or leaving early. BUT God! I tried to bake everything to at least get that over, but God had other plans. I was so off of my baking game. Before I cook/bake, I pray. ALL the time! I did my normal routine and commenced with baking, but it was an epic fail. My focus was time and feeling that I had none, that I was beginning to talk myself OUT of doing what HE lead me to do.

Finally, after I baked my final dozen of "epic fails" I decided to get ready for the event and come back to baking once the event was over. BEST decision ever!

I arrived at the Church, which I thought I was late, on time! Introduced myself to such a warm and welcoming bunch and began setting up my table. Realizing that I didn't have what I needed, I made a store run. Every single detail was ordained by God! Even the store run was apart of HIS plan.

When I returned, I met a woman. She was so frustrated and just overwhelmed. God had me bless her with a book, she kept mentioning that her morning was tossed upside down and she had left her wallet behind.  Reassuring her that it was OK and that I wanted to give her the book, she started to become teary eyed. It was in that moment that God began to reveal the "why" of the day.

​HE said, DeVita-this morning was to prepare you for the day.  I needed you to focus on me, which is why I delayed everything so that you would be in position for this very moment.  I needed you to be present for this young woman, that feels no on understands.  I needed her to meet someone who has been where she is and has overcome it. I needed you to give her hope, by sharing your story. Do not concern yourself with those that will understand your reason why for writing the book, I will appoint those to you, that will not only understand, but will be changed by it.

​The young lady came back to me, with a five dollar bill. She said that was all she had to pay for the book.  I hugged her and said, "You have to understand that everything you've asked God for, HE has heard your cries. HE knows what you need and will supply them all, starting with you feeling as if you're there for others and yet no one is there for you.  Today, HE blessed you, but because it wasn't in the way you thought it would be, you couldn't accept it.  The book, the book was to be a blessing by God for you.  Her eyes lit up and she started to cry. I shared with her that I'd been there, I know how she feels and I wanted her to know that she wasn't alone.
​
​After the event, I went back home to bake the rest of the desserts and just as HE told me, the delay was to focus on HIM and to be prepared for the encounter. I completed the order without any problems.  God is AMAZING and never ceases to amaze me!

​The mess that's made, has to be cleaned, not so much by the person that made it, but by someone taking to the to acknowledge it.  

​We've all been there, but don't stay there!!! You cannot get mad at someone for lying to you; when you're constantly lying to yourself. What TRUTH will you surrender to, today???? I'll make it personal. For a while now, God has been preparing me for my resignation. I've been afraid, thinking how will we get by, my family and I have become accustomed to the lifestyle of two nice sized incomes. What will we lose/miss out on....Gods reply....NOTHING. What I have for you, there will not be enough room to hold/contain. Stop telling yourself you can't when #Iam telling you, you can and will....Oh the lies we believe, No more! Surrender to your truth!!! #Godfirst #GodSaidIT #Iknowitstrue #Believer #NewAdventureSAMEJourney #ThePromisedDoor #IsOpen

​In my quiet time, I've been able to just bask in Gods presence. Spend that one on one with HIM, tuning everything and everyone OUT. 
 
This past week, has been filled with pain, tears, new revelations, mercy, grace, rebirth and true forgiveness.
 
I watched how God reminded me that HE would turn back the hands of time, so that I wouldn't miss out on one single thing. HE breathed a new life into my relationship with my brother, my sister, my marriage, my family as a whole. HE opened up my eyes to truly see the vision/purpose HE has always intended for me to see, when I fully surrendered to HIM and the WILL HE has for my family and I.
 
Of late, I've been surrounded by folks who still carry/harbor feelings from their ex/soon to be ex spouse(failing to move on, even though they have) parents(some deceased) Children, friends/ex friends, etc. and each time we talk, it all ends with "have you forgiven yourself, him/her"? The responses are always" I feel like I have" but in all honesty, they haven't. 
 
The word forgiveness is often misconstrued with forgetting. We forgive for our freedom, we forget for our sanity. Remembering what someone has done to us, will keep you prisoner to their transgressions, IF you're remembering simply to keep feeling guilt or holding the other party hostage to their guilt. We begin to move in fear and not in freedom.  We hold onto reputations which will always beseech us in the long run. Our goal in life is to forgive and forget-our slate to be wiped clean. It's funny how we ask this of God for ourselves yet not toward one another. We tend to rather hold on to a portion of hurt rather than letting go of it all to make room for better. We become scared to trust and love again out of failing to forget things that were once before....True forgiveness isn't about "remembering what the person was once capable of" it's about understanding that The Bible says that when God forgives us, He “remembers our sins no more" (Jeremiah 31:34). When our former sins come to mind, we can choose to dwell upon them (with the resulting guilty feelings), or we can choose to fill our minds with thoughts of the awesome God who forgave us and thank and praise Him for it (Philippians 4:8). Remembering our sins is only beneficial when it reminds us of the extent of God’s forgiveness and makes it easier for us to forgive others (Matthew 18:21-35).
 
We want so badly to be in that front row seat to see the "fall" of those who have wronged us, when it's not our place too. What joy can really come from that??
 
Today, I ask you to really search your heart and forgive those who have trespassed against you and forgive yourself for allowing it to dwell within for so long. Life is SO short, let's not spend time and energy on being hurt, offended and unforgiven. Forgive on that you too can be forgiven. The worst kind of captivity is being held prisoner for someone else's offense.
 
#Godfirst #Believer #newadventureSAMEjourney

​Totally Incapacitated
 
When you hear those words you immediately thinking about all of the things you can’t do, as opposed to what you can do.  You begin to change how you see things, how you hear things, you begin to react to words, instead of what you know to be true.
Since April, I’ve been trying to maintain a sense of normalcy-trying to keep up with my daily routine (my family], work and SDTE).  In May, my doctor uttered those dreadful words to me after a series of doctors’ visits. Well, he didn’t say it, but he wrote it on my discharge papers (which I completely overlooked) OR did I?  I didn’t want to hear any of that foolishness, I wanted him to give me a clean bill of health and tell me that I could resume all normal activities, not restrict me. For many reasons, I just couldn’t get it in my head.  I refused to believe any of it.  I guess you could say, my will to keep going was just that strong right?
For several weeks, I was unable to sit, stand or walk (My event in April, if you only knew the amount of pain I was actually in…but I simply refused to “cancel” what I had already set out to do, against doctor’s orders and my husbands, I did what Devita wanted to do).  Normal tasks, became unbearable.  To walk to the bathroom, which is not even a few steps away from our bedroom, was daunting.  I would grimace in pain, just to turn over in bed.  The only way I could turn over, was if I held onto my husband to do so.  To stand/sit was even worse.  I have a high tolerance for pain, so the mere fact that I felt any of it, was a quick sign of the amount of pain/suffering I endured.
I digress, this story isn’t intended to tell you the downfall, but rather the lesson in all of it.
At the onset of all this, I wasn’t focused on the pain too much-rather than the “why”.  I was anticipating a promotion at work, SDTE was moving in all kinds of awesome directions (Still is), marriage was and IS good, kids are kids, but they’re good kids. So why now?  Imagine the look on my face when God chuckled and said Devita, why not now? Over the next few weeks, God would REVEAL all to me, reminding me that in the past, when HE needed to sit me down-I would do it for a few days, but would go right back to doing what I thought I wanted to do, instead of what I needed to do.  Which was try to work my 8+hours as if nothing were wrong. And guess what, they treated me as if nothing were wrong.  Why?  Its what I taught them to do.
In November of last year, God told me that 2016 would be the year of sustained Greatness.  It would be the year of increase on many levels.  He also told me that this would be my last year working for anyone other than HIM. Even gave me a time frame-but not the PLAN.  Why? I needed to trust the process!
Just like clock-work, it all began to come to a head.  The promotion that was promised, was taken away OR was it?  It was never really mine to begin with.  God didn’t promise me that, so why did I take literally, what anyone else told me?  I’ll tell you, because I found security in the very thing, that made me insecure.  Re-read if you don’t understand.’
I struggled with conviction, because I KNEW I was wrong for waiting for something that was never mine to begin with.
I began letting go of what I couldn’t control and began focusing on what I could. Step by Step, God would tell me what I needed to do.  I was to focus on Devita-The very break that I kept asking for, HE brought to fruition (again, HE never revealed HIS plan) I had to trust the process!
I remember talking to my sister and telling her the news of what my doctor said, her response (Well, Good-this is what it will take for you to focus on what you are supposed to focus on.  So I’m not mad that you can’t go to work.  My other sister who was with me the day of my diagnosis, when she pointed out what the note said, immediately began to Praise God.  Now clearly, I thought these two had lost their minds.  For me, as mentioned I was not entertaining any of that foolishness of being Totally Incapacitated.
My husband (my BEST) who said-my concern isn’t about your job and what they will do-it’s all about you and your health.  I’m not married to them and you’re not either.
I fought this thing HARD-I would pray and meditate daily (not during times of suffering this is done daily) trying to understand what I needed to do, as if HE didn’t tell me already.  When I began to receive and accept what HE needed me to understand, it all made sense.
Physically, Yes-I was completely incapacitated. But spiritually, mentally/emotionally, I was as strong as ever.  My MIND, WILL and DESIRE intact. HE began working on me in those areas-creating new game plans for all business ventures that have been presented during this time-that will actually gain me more exposure for ALL OF my brands. HIS will for me and not my own.  My dreams weren’t as big as HIS-How he saw me isn’t how I saw myself or I did, but was flooded with the things that were in the way.  Suddenly, the diagnosis didn’t seem so foolish.  It seemed to be ordained.  The irony, the pain that I endured felt as if I were in labor EVERYDAY without relief.   I was laboring, ready to receive my deliverance.  It needed to happen so that this NEW thing HE was doing, could take place.  Anything that we go through, will only grow us and make way for the new things.  The old has to cease/die before the new can exist.  Total forgiveness not just for others, but for myself.  Forgiveness for my fighting against, instead of going with the process. 
It's amazing how so many doors have been opened now, then before.  I don’t want for anything.  ALL of my needs have been provided for my family and I, under grace and in a perfect way.  I thank God for my praying husband, mother, sisters, and brothers. 
My ministry has been resurrected-which has completely filled me up with total gladness.  My desire to be this transparent, has been restored. This storm. Well, it has definitely taught me to open up when the world wants you to shut up. It has/is continuing to bless me greatly and I pray it has the same effect on you too. 
 
Your victory doesn’t begin when you’ve come out of the storm, it begins when you understand your storm. I celebrate daily, knowing that it’s all necessary.  Sure, I have had my days when I was in a funk, but it’s a day.  It’s not supposed to last for days, weeks, months even years. Healing can only take place when you accept the time and space that you’re in. Trust the Process!   
 
The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord. Proverbs 21:31
Thanks be to God, who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ -1Corinthians 15:57